Updated: Apr 5
by Talita Setyadi
My Journey To Find Oneness
It was at a rave party that I first felt true oneness. The combination of EDM music, dancing strangers, friends, alcohol and one seemingly innocuous little pill, burst my heart, mind and soul wide open. I looked around, and through my hazy perspective, I felt complete affection and infatuation for everyone around me. My typically closed-up and standoffish demeanour presented to keep society at distance gradually melted away. It was replaced with a complete unconstrained ardour for the thousands I saw before me, swaying in their own bleary ecstasy. I shot both my arms up to the sky, swaying, spinning and consumed in my own rapturous euphoria, never wanting the night to ever end or for the high to ever diminish. I clutched my best friend’s hand, saw her ecstatic smile and felt like I had never been closer to anyone. It was the first time that I felt complete unity and solidarity for everyone around me, with no walls or barriers. It was the first time I felt true oneness, and it felt blissful and extraordinary.
But with any high, the low soon followed. 3 am hits the clock, the music stopped, and the lights came on. Dread started to envelop my mind, as I could discern that the reality that I wanted to escape the most – the come down from the high – was finally setting in. As we stumbled to the taxi, rain started to fall, I felt hot and cold chills all over my body. I felt nauseated, frustrated, irritated and completely out of whack. Arriving at my house, my friend had to walk me, dazed and wavering up the steps into my room and bore my weight till I slumped languidly on my bed. Relieved as I was to be home, I was overcome with feelings of fear, dread and shame, as I could feel my room spinning, and my heart beating at full tilt. It was going to be a rough night, and a rocky come down, but that was what I had signed up knowingly for, when I took that “harmless” little pill.
“Work hard, play hard” I heard people say all the time back then. I would smirk in agreement, and lived that life to its fullest extent. I took on stress from my work, burdens from my family and worked my body, soul and mind to their limits. All of this in anticipation of another party to come, where I can release it all again in one night of unrestrained chemical indulgence. I knew that it was hurting my body, and probably was messing up my brain’s natural chemistry in some way, but “escapism” was the only way I could cope with all the fears, worries and hollowness I had in my soul.
Luckily, in some sort of universal intervention, I signed up to Awaken The Divine You. I initially did so with the intention to learn meditation and explore spirituality, in response to my soul’s calling from the profound emptiness I had felt. Even though I had been coming to The Golden Space for several months prior to signing up to the program, I had found it so difficult to be disciplined with meditation or to follow a vegetarian diet, even though I so wanted to. I did not have the awareness of self-care or self-love, and I didn’t really know what lightness and health was supposed to feel like in my body. All I knew to cope with my fears and anxiety was to self-medicate with alcoholic or carnivorous comfort.
Everything changed when I met the program’s creator, Master Umesh H. Nandwani.
By day five of the weeklong Awaken The Divine You program, everything I had known about this physical existence was blown wide open. In meditations led by Master Umesh, he guided us to behold the light inside ourselves, and to see the purity and love in others around us. We were able to tear down our walls that had been built in response to our traumas and pain to protect ourselves from society. In contemplation, I felt blissful, high and so in love that I cried cathartic exultant tears. I sobbed uncontrollably, as I had just found home within myself. I felt bliss, high, oneness, understanding, connection and unconditional love but this time, with zero substances. Everything I felt was happening within me naturally and lovingly, at no cost to my health or wellbeing. In Awaken The Divine You, I learnt how to hug properly, learnt to love unconditionally, no longer did I feel the emptiness I had been carrying for so long. I had a miraculous and life-saving realization that the ecstasy, love and oneness had been inside of me all along – waiting to be rediscovered, not in any sort of substances.
So since then, and as I embarked on my spiritual journey, I forwent eating animals, alcohol, cigarettes and those pesky little pills once in for all. It was a simple decision for me to do so as I wanted to maintain this self-love and connection I started to feel; so that I could feel it all the time. I made a point to maintain my high spirits and vibrations with a vegan lifestyle, exercise, regular meditations as well as spiritual retreats with the Master himself. When I myself started facilitating meditation, I make it my intention to connect my participants to the blissfulness they already have inside themselves, so that they can feel how complete they are already, unconditionally.
And so dear friends, that’s how my Rave Meditation series at The Golden Space came about. I believe that blissful oneness is inside every single one of us, and through meditation, dance, and music we are able to be immersed in it. So, let’s never forget that truth. Let’s be in love with each other, the world, our universe, and feel complete coherence with all there is, naturally and substance free. We have it and have always had it within us after all.